The Perfectionism Trap—Here’s How to Escape and Build the Life You Want (#74)

Are you tired of feeling like you have to be perfect all the time?It really does get exhausting! 

Perfectionism can hold you back from taking action, growing your career, and living with confidence. In this episode, we’re breaking down the mindset shifts and tangible strategies you need to finally escape the perfectionism trap.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

✅ Why perfectionism is just a label—and how to let it go
✅ The connection between perfectionism and imposter syndrome (and why it’s keeping you stuck)
✅ How to stop chasing the unattainable and embrace progress over perfection
✅ Why redefining failure is so helpful to your growth (Spoiler: You can let go of those feelings of shame and guilt now)
✅ Practical steps to rewire your thinking, get to the root cause, and move forward with confidence

It’s time to stop letting perfectionism run the show. Ready to take the first step? Hit play now!

🎯 Key Takeaway: Perfectionism isn’t a personality trait—it’s a mindset that you can change. Shift your focus to progress, consistency, and flexibility to build the life and career you truly want.

Want my support? Book your complimentary call today and let’s see what coaching could look like for you!  

If you're looking for additional support through coaching, visit my website to learn more about working together and my signature program EDIT Your Life™: www.karinfreeland.com/life-coaching

Then book a call here!

Not ready for coaching? Get a copy of my self-help book: Grab Life by the Dreams!

Transcript

Karin Freeland: 0:00

Welcome to Rock Your Reinvention, where I help high-achieving career women like you get unstuck, make your corporate exit strategy, and successfully transition to your next chapter. Hi, I'm your host, Karin Freeland, a certified life coach and corporate exit strategist. Whether you want to start a business, become a speaker, or something else, I'm here to give you the tools and strategies to shift your mindset, build your confidence, and take bold actions so you can rock your reinvention. Ready? Let's go. Today, we are going to learn all about overcoming perfectionism. I can't believe that we're 74 episodes in and I have not covered this topic yet. Maybe I've been in denial. I don't know. But in order to overcome perfectionism, there are a few things that we need to do. Some of it is going to be tangible. And some of it is gonna require a change in perspective, right? A change in mindset, if you will. But whenever we wanna make any change in our lives, we always have to start with awareness. Because if we don't know something is a problem, we aren't going to know we need to fix it. So for starters, are you aware you're a perfectionist? And are you ready to let go of that baggage today? If so, I got you. If not, you might want to come back when you're in a state of readiness to really receive this message. And I know I shouldn't tell you not to listen, but if you're not ready to change, you probably could do something better with the next 20 minutes of your time. Now, hopefully you're here because you are ready to receive this message. You are ready for change. And I appreciate that. You're ready to do the work. So let's dive in. The first thing I wanna talk about is you are not your feelings. This is so freeing. Therefore, because you are not your feelings, you are not a perfectionist. You no longer have to wear that label. And that's all it is, a crappy label, which by the way, is a total defense mechanism. We'll talk about that in a minute. You have behaviors that strive for precision. You may desire to be as close to perfect as you can humanly be, but you have to stop calling yourself a perfectionist. Stop feeding your mind with this poisonous idea. You wanna start thinking of yourself as someone who has high standards You know, I have expectations and preferences for how this is going to go, what this is gonna look like, how this will be completed. You might use a language like, I feel like we could have done a better job on this project or this last launch. Here's what I'd like to change going forward. So of course you have an opportunity to still strive for better results, but you don't have to become your feelings and label yourself. As a perfectionist, our mindset in this area makes a big difference on you being able to overcome this hindrance in your life. So from today forward, will you agree never to call yourself a perfectionist again? Yes. Good. You are already hashtag winning. That is the first step. We're no longer gonna identify as a perfectionist. Second thing we gotta do is recognize that this is actually a form of imposter syndrome. And I don't think a lot of people realize that. Now, if you've been with me for a while, you might recall from episode 33 of Rock Your Reinvention, when I reviewed the five types of imposter syndrome. And the first type is the perfectionist. which also happens to be the most common form of imposter syndrome. This type of imposter syndrome is characterized by a fear of failure and a need to be perfect in every situation. Because if you're not, then someone will realize you don't belong or that you're not as good as everyone thought. Right? Wrong. Remember, this isn't just about work or in your business. It's also at home. as a mom, as a volunteer in your community or the work you do at your church. Everything you do is driven by this need to be absolutely perfect. I had a client not too long ago and she would just never sit down and take a break. She could not relax after work because she would just come home. She would see things around the house that needed to be cleaned. There was always something that needed to be done, dishes or vacuuming. And so I really challenged her, maybe this week, just pick one night and don't vacuum. Just sit down on the couch with your husband, relax, And it was so funny because she took me up on it, thankfully. And when I asked her how it went, she was like, oh yeah, Karin, nobody died. It was totally fine. You know, my husband didn't ask me for a divorce. My kids didn't heckle me. In fact, I actually got to spend some really quality time with my husband, right? They were able to share this hour of closeness that they don't normally get to have because of her need to have a perfectly clean house every waking moment. Think about this for yourself. What's a tiny act you could try in your life that would help you overcome some of this perfectionist mentality. Go ahead and give it a try. Just something simple, like not vacuuming. It doesn't have to be a big, huge, crazy shift. Okay. The third thing I wanna invite you to do is come on back to reality. You are chasing the unattainable. Think about that. What happens when we set a goal that we have absolutely no possible chance of achieving or that doesn't exist? It's super frustrating, right? We lose all hope because we know it's a battle we can't win. I remember when I was in my marketing role right before I got let go, we had this ridiculous target for marketing qualified leads that I had on my head. And I was like, there literally aren't enough businesses that exist within our territory and where our sales reps are for me to even generate this many B2B marketing qualified leads. And so it was so frustrating because I knew no matter what I did, I could not win. And that's exactly what you're doing. You are playing a game that you simply can't. win. Perfectionism is just like that, right? And we know from SMART goals that they have to be achievable, right? That's what the A stands for in SMART. And so if it's not, again, we set ourselves up for failure. Who wants to play that game? I don't want to play a game I can't win. That doesn't sound like fun. Yet here you are playing the game of perfectionist. And you're going to be playing this game your entire life, even though you can't win because there is no end, right? So it's never going to be good enough. So once you come back to reality and you realize, oh, this isn't even attainable, I don't have to chase this goal anymore. I can replace it with something else. That is the key to unlocking freedom. So would you like to stop playing now? Would you like to stop playing a game you can't win? Okay, good. I hope so. Now let's talk about some tangible tips, right? Because there's some things that you can do to overcome perfectionism that go beyond this mindset portion. And for some of you, maybe the mindset portion was all you needed, but others of you are going to need to do something a little bit more tangible. So let's cover a couple of ideas here. The next thing I wanna share with you is get to the root cause. There's something going on below the surface. You have had an experience in your life, most likely in your childhood, that has created this deep-seated desire within you to be perfect. Maybe you played softball and your coaches were always yelling at you if you didn't throw a perfect pitch. Or your parents were unsatisfied with anything less than an A-plus on your report card. These experiences have lasting effects on us. well into our adulthood. So I would highly encourage you to spend some time journaling to get these thoughts out on paper so that you can address them, no matter how uncomfortable they are. Now, you remember earlier when I said calling yourself a perfectionist was a defense mechanism? This is the time we're gonna figure out why you feel you need that mechanism so that you can ultimately let it go. And you know, maybe it's a status thing, a way to kind of elevate yourself above others, right? Look at me, look how great I am. And my competitive type A personality relates to this so much. I think about when I was a corporate trainer, I wanted to be the best trainer in the whole department. And I wanted to be the best at others' expense. And I hate to admit that out loud, The sooner we admit these ugly truths, the sooner you get to reframe them and create new beautiful truths for yourself. Do not skip this step because here's the thing. You can literally do everything else that I'm gonna share in this podcast, but if you don't address the root cause, you can forget about kissing perfectionism goodbye. Why? Because you'll always have those subconscious beliefs in the driver's seat As much as you think you're in control, you're not. Your subconscious thoughts are driving the bus and you're going to self-sabotage and you're going to subtly undermine all your progress. So you have to spend some time here, no matter how uncomfortable. And I'm currently going through this with my money mindset. And I'm telling you, I've come up with some things and they're a little dark. I'll share them on the episode I'm going to have coming up, but it's really crazy when I uncover some of these thoughts that have been buried for years, but now they're not controlling me anymore. I'm not beholden to them anymore. So it's a really beautiful thing. You just got to get through a little bit of the discomfort. And I guarantee there's some really yucky things in your past that you don't really want to look at, but that are forcing you, nobody forces you, but that are driving you towards that perfectionism mentality, okay? And this is your opportunity to make a choice and go, I'm not going to let this drive the bus anymore. I'm not going to let these subconscious thoughts dictate my life. Okay, the next thing I want to share with you is embrace flexibility, okay? Perfectionists are often reluctant to let go of their perfectionist tendencies because they fear they're going to lose their edge or fall behind competitively. I mean, we just got done talking about that competitive nature. But I would argue that the opposite is actually true, right? So it's kind of counterintuitive here. because the world around you is always changing. And if you're too rigid and not willing to innovate or try new things out of this fear of failure or that it won't be perfect, you're gonna be left behind. So the thing that you don't want to have happen to you is going to happen to you. And while having a plan and sticking to it is super important, right? I'm all about discipline and following and pushing forward and constantly making progress. We also have to be willing to adjust and adapt when necessary. This is equally crucial to your success. And unfortunately, whether we like it or not, right? Life is unpredictable and unforeseen circumstances will always arise in one way, shape or form. It's not a matter of if it is simply a matter of when. So the more you're ready for any of these blips or challenges, the better you're going to be able to take it in stride. Flexibility is your friend. And the more flexible you are, the easier it's gonna be to start letting go of that perfectionist tendency. The next thing I wanna share is to employ consistency. So a man by the name Jim Quick is an American brain coach and author. And I found this quote from him that says, on the days you only have 40% and you give 40%, You gave 100%. I'm like, oh, I like this math. How does this check out? Yes, if I give you 40% and that's all I have, then dang it, I gave you everything. So I decided, let me go check out the definition of consistency because I think you're gonna be very surprised. I was a little surprised. What it said is consistency is firmness of character, agreements of parts or features, to one another or a whole and harmony of conduct or practice. Wow, these definitions sound a lot more exciting and attainable than what I imagine consistency to be, right? I think of this really like rigid, no breaks in a pattern, always showing up when you're struggling, when it all costs. No, no, no. Well, yes, There can be some repetition and having a pattern that can be helpful. It's also about showing yourself grace and not beating yourself up if you miss a day of your workout or you come short of a milestone in your business. A great way to do this is to establish helpful routines. Routines can really help you make progress. And if you're constantly moving forward, You can't avoid being successful. It's inevitable. So I encourage you to adopt this new definition of consistency and give what you can each day to each task and know that that is enough. You gave it everything you had and that's okay. Whether it succeeds or not, you can still feel confident and whole and proud of yourself. I know this might be a foreign concept right now, but the more you do these things in practice, the easier it's gonna become and the more second nature it will be. This isn't an overnight fix, right? I probably should have said that at the beginning. It's not an overnight fix, but now you've got some strategies that you can start using to make this speed up, right? To go through this process more quickly. Okay, the last thing I wanna share with you today is the idea of redefining failure. Now, perfectionists, they avoid the pain of failure. I get it, it doesn't feel good, I understand, right? But people who identify as a perfectionist often avoid those tasks that they deem too challenging because they don't wanna experience that pain. And any small mistake can be interpreted as a failure. Look at that word small, well, you can't look at it, but hear that word again, right? Any small mistake, the most minute of things suddenly gets blown completely out of proportion, right? And this causes so many unnecessary feelings of shame and guilt. Instead of taking a risk, you play it safe and you work only on the projects that are highly likely to be successful or they have a high probability of going exactly the way you want them to go. This is why many perfectionists stay in a career or a job that they don't love. Hmm, did I strike a nerve there? I hope so, right? Because you think, well, it's better to keep doing something I don't enjoy and do it well than take this leap of faith and risk failing, air quotes, right? Because it's no such thing as failure. Failure is actually not trying because you're stunting your own personal growth, personal and professional growth with this approach. And you're preventing yourself from seeing what you're truly capable of. So the choice is yours and it is a choice. You can either keep avoiding failure or you can reframe failure into learning and growth opportunities. And if you've read my book, Grab Life by the Dreams, I have a whole chapter on growth mindset. And people who have a growth mindset see failure in exactly that way. As a growth opportunity, as a new skill set or something that they've acquired, then no one can take away from you. You have that for life. So there you have it. My top tips for overcoming perfectionism. And I hope that you will put every single one of them into action. This is one of the many things that I have the pleasure of helping my clients through. Of course, yes, I help them leave their six-figure job and start a business. Yes, I help them get promoted or change jobs or industries. But none of that is possible without managing your mindset. So much of our time in the coaching session is actually spent working through these types of mindset blocks. Now, if you would like to explore what coaching would look like for you, I would highly recommend booking a complimentary call today. And in just 45 minutes, we're going to identify where you want to go and what your goals are. We'll look at what is holding you back from getting there. And we will come up with a game plan for going forward together. And if we're a good fit, we'll go ahead and get you onboarded and get coaching going right away. And if not, you at least know what you need to work on. So it's a win-win. Head over to karenfreeland.com and click the book a call link up in the top right hand corner to schedule your complimentary session now. I hope to see you on a call real soon. Thanks for tuning in. I hope you're inspired to take action by committing to one of the tips or strategies we talked about in today's episode. If you want more accountability and support, I've got your back. Book a complimentary empowered exit strategy call today. Visit karinfreeland.com to learn more and book your 45-minute session. Until next time, stay fabulous.